Axxess & Ace — Songs: Ohia There was the filth of playing with demons in bed, but that was okay, because it felt like everything was good, and something might be caught in the shadows that jumped off the skin. There was no relation to the body, there was just the overwhelming idea that everything was continual and forever binding. In the pain of Jason Molina’s voice, there was that same disoriented guilt. And fuck if I wasn’t going to get lost in blankets, without choosing what it was I was going to do, to make it to the surface again. If I called him some sort of underbelly iceberg, would that make me clingy? If I sauntered off into disappearance, in order to test some sort of sanity, would that make me evil? Why was I so interested in this new skeleton of endless creation? Why was it my milk and butter? Why was I becoming more and more who I thought I was, and why was it that he was the only one that made me strong enough to shine in that way? Thoughts like this, made me nothing but bitter, but the sour negativity was sharp and only released an unfamiliar joy, that I had yet to taste or feel. The sex wasn’t working, but neither was the foolish notion that feelings are feelings and they will claw you until you listen and stare them in the face. All those words Rich and Adam shattered down, were something gulped and taken as gospel. But my mommy said that’s not healthy, and that in order to learn, you need to get in trouble and scrape the fingers. You need to taste the poison and say yes or no, in the way you see fit. I knew she was right on some level. I knew she was right, because I saw this failure in the eyes of everyone that offered nothing but external visions of cloudy self-doubt. I agreed with Jess the other night too. Her honesty is something to learn from, and if I’m going to climb towards the dreams I preach I’m gonna reach, then by god, I want to make it all the way to the highest sky. Fear can just up and die. Click for high-res image

Axxess & Ace — Songs: Ohia

There was the filth of playing with demons in bed, but that was okay, because it felt like everything was good, and something might be caught in the shadows that jumped off the skin. There was no relation to the body, there was just the overwhelming idea that everything was continual and forever binding. In the pain of Jason Molina’s voice, there was that same disoriented guilt. And fuck if I wasn’t going to get lost in blankets, without choosing what it was I was going to do, to make it to the surface again. If I called him some sort of underbelly iceberg, would that make me clingy? If I sauntered off into disappearance, in order to test some sort of sanity, would that make me evil? Why was I so interested in this new skeleton of endless creation? Why was it my milk and butter? Why was I becoming more and more who I thought I was, and why was it that he was the only one that made me strong enough to shine in that way? Thoughts like this, made me nothing but bitter, but the sour negativity was sharp and only released an unfamiliar joy, that I had yet to taste or feel.

The sex wasn’t working, but neither was the foolish notion that feelings are feelings and they will claw you until you listen and stare them in the face. All those words Rich and Adam shattered down, were something gulped and taken as gospel. But my mommy said that’s not healthy, and that in order to learn, you need to get in trouble and scrape the fingers. You need to taste the poison and say yes or no, in the way you see fit. I knew she was right on some level. I knew she was right, because I saw this failure in the eyes of everyone that offered nothing but external visions of cloudy self-doubt. I agreed with Jess the other night too. Her honesty is something to learn from, and if I’m going to climb towards the dreams I preach I’m gonna reach, then by god, I want to make it all the way to the highest sky. Fear can just up and die.

Posted on November 29, 2011 at 11:25am with 10 notes

Post Notes

  1. pendulumman said: Climbing is tantalising enough. x
  2. insomniagirl posted this